Single Digits...

We have 7 full days until I will be induced to bring Miss Malachi into the world...

People have been asking me over and over the last several days if I'm ready and excited and, of course, my answer is a smile and an enthusiastic "yes!" along with some little quip about being ready to have my body back or actually being able to fall asleep when I lay down, etc. The truth be told, as excited as I am to welcome our daughter to the outside world, I'm even more scared of having a daughter in the outside world. No matter how anxious I get over her "lack of movement" and overall health in my womb, I know that she is safe. No one can hurt her there. She isn't going to suffer as long as I can completely protect her, literally, with all I am.

The idea of my precious daughter exposed to anything, everything, and anybody scares me. How will I know she really is ok? How will I know what is causing her to cry? What happens when I can't protect her from other people? Their words? Their actions? Their influences? From things I can't see? From things I can't fix? I feel helpless in the thought that there is almost nothing I can do to save my daughter's heart, mind, and body from the "outside world".

It is a hard bit to swallow in the fact that it isn't entirely up to me to protect her. I really truly HAVE TO trust that GOD is going to protect the most precious thing in my entire life. It is so hard to let go, to let Him have her. I want to keep her wrapped up in me forever and ever, but for her to truly live, she has to have God in her life, and not me in between dictating to Him where and when He is allowed to intervene. Because I cannot control her body in health, I cannot mend her heart in heartbreak, I cannot shield her mind from cultural influences, but God can.

So, this is me publicly giving up my daughter and her entire life, future, and purpose to God. I cannot raise a woman of God on my own. But I can guide her to the one true God who will get her through anything she encounters in the outside world. I pray that she is so full of love for her Lord that she is spared heartbreak and hurt and she feels the undying love our Savior has for her early in life and all her life. There is no greater peace in faith.

Malachi, I love you so.