Looking Back

Today was a landmark day in a young lady's life- I threw out my "boyfriend box". I had gone through my computer months ago and deleted old pictures with ex-boyfriends, but the boyfriend box had remained untouched. I not long ago while I was sitting cuddled up with Casey on the couch and talking about our past and how it has effected the future we have together, that no memory of a past "love" could compare to what Casey and I share.

It was such a relieving process to throw out the pictures, notes, dried flowers, and stuffed animals that all screamed past memories. Good memories, bad memories, forgotten memories... I want to know that I'm always, 100% Casey's and part of that, for me, was getting rid of my past. I loved it.

The funny thing was, ticked away with my boyfriend box were journals I kept growing up. I don't journal much anymore, but in high school and junior high... it was my lifeline. I flipped through page after page detailing high school drama, family drama, pain, joy, prayers, drawings.... My life is little 6x4 notebooks. I was struck by how so many singular events effected me enough to pour out my emotions on paper. It amazed me how so many of those events, however big or small, has affected my way of thinking and feeling. It was strange to read myself growing up.

I don't think one can ever completely point to things in their past that made them who they are today. But, by rediscovering my journals, I also rediscovered who I've been. And how that has played it's part in who I am now. I think I'll hang onto those journals....