"Never" is Such a Heavy Word

Never good enough.
Never have enough.
Never be prepared.
Never see the end.
Never could have predicted.
Never. Never. Never.

I have been fighting the overwhelming feeling of never being ready for our baby. Ridiculous, I know, but its there. The more I read or research or plan, the most anxious I get that I'll never be ready to be a mother and caretaker for this little girl. It all peaked about a week or two ago with a mess of tears and need to just take a long nap. I resolved to not look at anything baby related until I could gain my composure and not stress out any longer.

It was the best thing I could have done. The fact of the matter is I will never know everything I need to know. I will never have everything I "need" to have. And I will never know what to expect and what tomorrow could bring. To dwell in those insecurities was a death sentence on my joy.

So now, instead of shriveling under the weight of "never", I'm rejoicing in the "always":
1. God will always bring supernatural peace and protection.
2. Casey will always be my teammate and support through everything our life brings.
3. My mom will always fly(or rather, drive) to my side and help any time I ask.
4. My friends will always be willing to give advice. (Thanks guys!)
5. I will always and constantly be learning and growing.

Introducing...

Malachi Rae

We have a name, an identity for the sweet little baby growing so fast inside of me... Malachi Rae.

My daughter, my precious flower.
My little girl who loves hot sauce and is always awake at 8 in the evening.
My little wiggle worm, whom frustrates ultrasound techs because she won't stay still long enough for measurements.
My baby that I only have passing glances of her little face, one I will cover with kisses and tears.
My everything. I never could fathom how much this little girl would control my heart and mind even before I get to count her tiny toes and itty bitty fingers.
My little monkey without whom I could not imagine my future.

Sweet little Malachi, Daddy and I are so excited you're growing and becoming stronger every day. We thank God he has given us the gift of you. Goodness knows we never deserved it. I look forward to hearing you cry and watching you smile. You are my everything.

I love you, Miss Malachi Rae.
~Mommy

Christmas Wish

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Love,
Casey, Aimee, Riley, and Baby Ferguson

Pumpkins, Pumpkins, Pumpkins.

Casey and I try to have one night each week for a date night. That usually consists of making dinner and watching a movie, but we decided to carve a pumpkin this week! It was so much fun deciding a design and drawing it out and nervously carving through the pumpkin, but I think it turned out wonderfully! Plus, it was a great night spent together having fun!


However, I think the best part is the pumpkin seeds we harvested- roasted pumpkin seeds!!!! They're in the oven right now, and I'm so excited to snack on them in a short 40 minutes!! I've never made roasted pumpkin seeds before, so if they turn out, I'll post the recipe I used- it was super simple!